Great afternoon
I think I liked it better when it was the Relationship-in-My-Head. I realize that this is not a surprise. But, in fact, it was the PWW who summed it up for me (though he was referring to something entirely different): "Sometimes the hunt is better than the kill." He also, in perfect PWW fashion, told me that I couldn't possibly understand that (because I've never hunted). I said: "No, you are wrong, PWW, I understand that PERFECTLY." I realize that his unconscious condescension is a way of equalizing, but it's getting old. If for no other reason than it is completely unnecessary (as far as I'm concerned we ARE equal, all things told).
It is also possible that the problem is that it was In My Head for so long that reality isn't matching expectation. To some extent. Because two years ago, when I was still with the POB and thinking about being with the PWW I described that hypothetical situation as going from the fire into the frying pan: the surface may be a lot more level, but it's still just as hot. He's not unlike Jeff. In fact, it may have been his amazing resemblence to Jeff this weekend that set me off.
I knew his moving above the bar would be a Bad Idea.
All that said, and this morning when I got into my car and saw his hat on the seat, I had a twinge of Feeling.
This morning, it took 45 minutes to get the ice off my car windows. I would say that I really miss having a garage except that since I left for college, I've never had a garage (and even before college, my car was parked curbside).
My neighbor, with whom I never had any problem until she sicced her son and granddaughter, the cops, on my car, despite the fact I called her and explained the circumstances, has these rose bushes planted next to the curb. Which makes scraping ice from that side of the car difficult, if not nearly impossible. (And she has a row of these stretching about 4 car lengths, so often, not parking next to them isn't an option--since she also has two car spaces worth of handicapped reserved parking, despite the fact she isn't handicapped, and, in fact, is capable of walking her dog 8 blocks). Today, I slipped on the ice and fell on these stupid bushes, not once, not twice, but three fucking times. I may report these bushes as a nuisance, and petition to get them fucking pulled up.
Because one reason not to poke the bear is that the bear never forgets.
It is bonus night here. It is not only CLEAN SHEET NIGHT, but it is NEW SHEET NIGHT as well. And, since I bought a new duvet cover, the duvet is on the bed for the first time since the mildew disaster back in June (OxyWhatever really did the trick. In fact, OxyWhatever is now my new best friend next to that spot remover I found beneath my parent's kitchen sink that cleared up all the red wine I spilled in the bedroom the night Pumpkinboy stayed. My mom is still clueless.)
Operation Social Dissonance is not going well. In fact, I think the operation may soon be abandoned (yes, I realize I've mentioned this before, but after last night...)
I'm not really sure what happened; I don't even know if I can explain why I was so irritated and then, so pissed off, but I'm sure it has to do with the gulf that sits between us. For instance, I'm never, ever going to live down the morning I said, "I paid a lot of money for this hotel room; they pay people to clean it, let's go." We had to discuss THAT yesterday. What else? I don't know, but despite the fact he's 15 years older, has been married and has two grown , I always feel like I'm the adult. I called it sophistication last night, but it's more than that.
Admittedly, I was a little petulant and irritable (or vice versa), but he's been driving me batshit. To his credit, after we argued (about what?) and he took me back to my car and I got home, he called me and still wanted to see me. He picked me up, even.
Nevertheless, it all seemed to sit between us, even this morning. Which is ironic, because last night was the first night that I was very open about what was going on. He'd gone to the bathroom or something; it was pretty clear to Pat, her daughter and the boyfriend that he was driving me crazy. I laughed and said, "You should see me on Sunday mornings when all I want to do is GO HOME and I have to wait for him to let me out of the building." So now that it's all out in the open--at least about who's sleeping where on Saturdays--I think I've just spent my last Saturday above the Meow.
On the other hand, he walked me home this morning, which I thought was sweet. I mean, there's something kind of romantic about being walked home. Especially considering it was raining ice.